Book Review - How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will) by Chuck Sambuchino
Zombie attacks, zombie apocalypse, the undead... all material for a frightful novel, but the real threat is already here and present in our very neighborhoods and yards... the Garden Gnome. Be honest... you mean to tell me you've never looked at those creepy little bearded creatures and wondered what they're up to? We owe a debt of gratitude to Chuck Sambuchino for warning and preparing us for this crisis in his book How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will). With the combination of awareness and preparation, you can survive this nightmare that could be unleashed upon the unsuspecting any day now.
Seriously (or not, as the content may suggest), this is a tongue-in-cheek parody of zombie survival books, using garden gnomes as the menace facing us. It's a fun read, and Sambuchino does a good job with treating the subject with pseudo-serious concern without going overboard. The pictures that are scattered throughout are perfect, as they depict the "innocent" gnome hiding axes and knives, posing in positions that do seem to add a sinister intent to those chubby little cheeks. I learned that Miracle-Gro is one of the best weapons, as it creates chlorine which can be deadly to those only a foot off the ground. Bolting down the opening to your chimney would be a good idea too, as those suckers will look for *any* opening to exploit. All I can say is they better not attack here, as hockey sticks are considered one of the best defenses for hand-to-gnome combat, and we have a number of them...
This book isn't going to scare or frighten you like the thought of trying to escape from the undead. It's a quick read, and will put a smile on your face (and will probably make a dent in the profitability of the garden gnome market.) Just sit back, have fun, and accept the fact that you'll never trust one of those cute little statues again. :)
Obtained From: Amazon Vine Review Program